Divine Wrath Forums

Actually, not too far from the truth.

Your wife must have the patience of a saint.

One of my favorites so far. Reminded me of the conversation I had with my lady recently (see below for reenactment):

<curtain up - JJ and H on couch)

JJ: "I think I'm going to come see your softball game this weekend."
H: "But you hate bat and ball sports, and it's bar-league softball on your only true day off."
JJ: "Yeah, I know, but I'd like to see you swing a bat in a high pressure situation."
H: "Is this some dirty thing...cause my dad also plays on the team."
JJ: "Nope. Gotta take stock of your abilities with melee weapons for the zombacalypse. Not even joking."

<end-scene>

her response was something to the effect of stunned silence...followed by "wow, your first and only reason for going would be checking my zombie preparedness. Not supporting me or being a good boyfriend, but rating my swing strength!"

I replied, "Well yeah, when the shamblers come around, organized sports won't matter, but the skills from them might apply."

I wonder if there's a support group for wives and girlfriends of Kinemortophobics.

I have no idea what it is, I could probably google or wiki it. But I like to break things down, Sesame St. style.

Kinemortophobics:

Kine-shortened from "KINETIC"- meaning movement
Mort-Latin/french/insert some foreign language here- meaning death - or as I like to call it, the big D
Phobics- shortened from homophobic-meaning fear of Homes or HGTV

So with my flawless deduction of wordsmithery, I have deduced that Kinemortophobics means "Moving Homes of the Dead..."

or HGTV.

See? R3v gets it! Home and Garden Television is out to get us all! I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-Kiri Rock. I need scissors! 61!

(Note: Kinemort == fancy word for zombie.)

Hey all,

My girlfriend, Heather, has a really hard and even swing with a bat, so she'll be valuable in the zombacalypse. Also, I posed the following multiple choice question to her and she passed with flying colors. (answer on page 76).

We are trying to survive the zombacalypse. I have been bitten and the infection is slowly turning me. Your first action should be to...
A) Say you are going to the bathroom and leave me behind.
B) Handcuff me to a radiator and give me a pistol for personal protection/destruction.
C) Put me in a Hannibal Lecter-style muzzle, keep me around for heavy lifting.
D) Immediately bludgeon my head into a fine JJ-paste, protecting yourself and the world while saving a bullet.
E) None of the above, we can both agree that I would detonate something in the mass of zombies that bit me, spouting some heroic banter, and going out in a Jovi-esque blaze of glory.